Avoiding

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It seems as though my life has been nothing but a constant avoidance lately. I want to move on, I want to get out of this funk, but I just can’t seem to.

I have been avoiding school and homework–which yes for most people maybe normal, but not for me. I love, and I do mean LOVE, school and the homework that comes with it. Especially now that I have moved into my major work–so I get to work on things that are actually current and in line with my life goals. But with all that is going I just don’t feel like doing it.

I am avoiding the idea that soon my husband will be leaving–while he hasn’t even been to MEPs yet!!! I mean it is certain he is going the question is just when. And I guess that is my biggest problems is that I am a planner and I can not do any planning when I have no clue when he is leaving. I can’t plan on getting the kids through this–the things we will do while he’s gone. If I don’t know when he will be gone.

My husband has been my rock–I was diagnosed with Post Partum Disorder (PPD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) after the birth of my son….and it is terrible I struggled with it and am so thankful for the hubby who stood by me through it all. Especially his staying home with me and not judging me when I looked at him and told him honestly “I have no desire to care for my kids…none” I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome about a year ago–we are living with my step dad and my mom….they don’t understand that I can not eat certain things, no matter how much I want too. It makes sick for days–I am lethargic, and physically sick for days. And they still don’t get it. Yet, he just goes and gets what I can eat or makes me a separate dinner all without being asked or complaining at all.

I am blessed, and I know I will continue to be–it’ll just be a little different and an adjustment. How did you deal with the change?

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About illbeyourwater

A twenty-something mom of 2, wife of 1, candid (sometimes brutal), psych student.

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