Bipolar post

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As the title suggests my post today is gonna be a bit bipolarish…..this is fair warning.

First, I have been in a funk lately; it really hit me last night, just read the late night Twitter timeline. And as hard as it is to admit, it is because I am “stuck” at home. Don’t get me wrong I love my children, but I started working as soon as I could when I was 16 (for 4 years before that I had been babysitting), and since then I have had no job for a total of 18months (out of 6 years). I love working, I love keeping busy, I enjoy the challenge of working. I swore I would never be “dependent” on a man. Now hubby in no way has me dependent on him–I know that the thought of dependence is in my head. All he is doing is supporting our family. But none the less I have a need to be at work, to get that paycheck, etc etc. So applying I have gone….we’ll see how long that takes.

Second, at least from my side little to no one expected Jon and I to last. We were barely 18, it was temporary, it was whatever. But my stubborn self (Ok our stubborn selves) stuck with it. We drive each other insane, and are both fiercely independent, but it works. And no matter the arguments, stupid comments, or sometimes insensitive moments we love each other and want to be together.

Yes, I know full well our love/relationship is a bit untraditional. But, we are happy with it. We didn’t (don’t–whatever) have an engagement story, hell no engagement ring, didn’t have the big wedding, and social roles are (typically) reversed. And guess what, that works for us. I love the idea in the beginning we had zero expectations, that we grew from nothing, and a little more than 5 years later we are still standing. Of course there were cuts and scrapes along the way, but what relationship doesn’t have those? To this day I am madly and deeply in love with the father of my children, my husband. And no matter how unorthodox our relationship may seem to some on the outside, hubby and I have learned what really matters.

As we have survived 5 years, and I know we will be surviving far more, I rest assured that I can tell my kids I love their dad and I always have. So, I guess the point of this (and possibly the unifying idea) is never doubt yourself, go with your gut, and do what you know is right for you. If ya need hand, reach out for one–no one knows you need help unless you ask–and give yourself a break, you deserve one.

Stay strong, and take it all a day at a time guys. We’ll all make it through to the other side. (Well, this went from depressive, to pep talk rapidly didn’t it? I honestly thought it would take far more than slightly over 500 words………)


About illbeyourwater

A twenty-something mom of 2, wife of 1, candid (sometimes brutal), psych student.

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