Just as I thought things were looking up

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Well, I had been doing well.  Hubby had been doing well.  We are headed in the right direction.

And then?  Well, life happened.

We knew about 3 weeks ago my mother in law had to go in for a surgical biopsy.  The doctor was pretty certain she had ovarian cancer, she had that surgery last Wednesday.  The initial reports were good, everything looked ok, possibly precancerous.  It wasn’t that…(I’m gonna do this in chronological order, so we’ll be back to this)

Then Tuesday we got a call,  hubby’s granddad had another heart attack.  This following his stress test, that showed no blood flow through a valve (this occurred the same day).  My sister in law took granddad immediately to the ER, and they performed immediate emergency heart surgery.  Following the stint implant he began to have chest pains again.  They searched, to find nothing, they believe his heart isn’t use to working correctly.  Essentially it was “shocked” to have blood flow.

On top of this, one of his kidney’s is shut down, 0% efficiency.  The other?  It was 2.5% yesterday, today it’s at 1%, they are doing another rushed surgery to implant lines for dialysis sometime today, trying to save the one.  Hoping that they can get them in and dialysis started before the “toxin” they placed to see blood flow, does too much damage.  His legs from the knee down are black and swollen, most likely he will lose them both.  A complication of diabetes and a bad heart.

Today we got the call that he was being moved from the ICU, one good thing, and then mere hours later call another call.

This time my mother in law’s news.  Her doctor wanted her to come in immediately, it wasn’t pre-cancerous, it was cancer.  Due to granddad being in hospital, and mom being the only one currently working, she convinced them to wait to talk to her until her appointment on the 30th.

Until then, we will not how bad it is.  We know that a hysterectomy is required; but, we don’t know if it has spread, what stage it is, nothing.

I have been here, 10 years ago, my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma.  She was given 6 weeks to live, unless immediately emitted and chemo started.  Thankfully, she survived.

But, this is killing me.  I am trying to keep it together for hubby, I am trying to be strong.  I know his pain, I know he is helpless and 3,000 miles away.  But these are my family members too, I am in pain, I stay up crying after everyone has gone to bed.

But, the worst part of all this?  I realize they are my only family, my own mother couldn’t call to tell her grandson happy birthday.  Instead she went to a concert for her boyfriend, and then the night of his party, she had to go to the Buddy Guy concert.  Not willing to take anytime to just call and say “happy birthday.”  I don’t care that she didn’t send presents or money, I care that she didn’t acknowledge it.

I wanna be back in Florida, as everyday passes I see my “family’s” true colors.  And miss them less and less, because I want more for my kids; I want them to know they are important and loved.  Everyday I miss my in-laws more and more.  I long to be near them, and have conversations with my father in law, just spending the day hanging out with everyone.  Just enjoying their company.

Now I am faced with losing at least one of those people, and it hurts more than I could have ever imagined.

(sorry, if there is typos, grammatical errors.  I am already crying and don’t have the heart or energy to go back over this at the moment.)


About illbeyourwater

A twenty-something mom of 2, wife of 1, candid (sometimes brutal), psych student.

4 responses »

  1. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  2. I am so sorry you are going through this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love and light dear one,

    Lucky Star


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